Where have I been and here goes nothing…

So, here goes nothing…

I can’t run anymore.

Like ever…

And this is not one of those posts where I tell you how I can and will power through the pain and get my running back and all, no i am afraid is not. This is the kind of post where i tell you that my foot is so messed up that now even hurts without me even standing on it. If you don’t know what I am talking about have a look back in the post from last December…

After six months of trying everything under the sun I think it is time for me to let go of the idea of running more than 1-2 miles from now on.

So what happened? Well, apparently my foot didn’t agree with my marathon – like at all!! – and decided to give me a (huge) overgrown bunion. And in my case is not even that simple because the extra growth is pulling on my tendons on top of my foot and then makes that spot and my calf hurt… To respond to all questions the answer is yes. I have tried all the things that could potentially help (braces, physio tape etc) short of surgery. Which I even considered as an option but the doctors (and I did go to someone I truly trust) told me that I am to young for it, if I try running again it’ll grow back -stupid genetic shit!!@!@!- and also the amount of pain is incredible and my foot will be out of order for at least 3 months… All that for the stupid thing to grow back in 5-7 years IF i don’t run!

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So… what now you ask??

Well, I wish I had the answer to this one. I have to admit it has been a rough couple of months lately, with some family health stuff that have been going on (sorry can’t share more 😦 ) and me spending two months back home to help out my family, totally got me out of my routine but I am trying to get back into to things, blogging is one of them. I am not the one to moan and complain about things (usually) but life has taken a “funny” and super sharp turn after new years at this point!

I haven’t been on top of my game lately, with a bit of anxiety and low moods and being super physically tired but I am still try to try….that must count for something right…

So what is the outcome after all this? Well, about 15 extra pounds on me (since for the past 4 months I have been eating my feelings), almost started smoking again and I have never been in a worse shape than I am now. Like ever… My physical condition has probably hit rock bottom at the moment. I cant believe that this body run a marathon less than a year ago…

What do I do about it? Well I am (kinda) working on it. I have already started to eat healthy (no cake and sweets for more than a week now!!), try as hard as I can to stop smoking AGAIN and make myself get back to exercise. This is the hardest part of it all… When there is no mental strength to make yourself see that doing something would be good for you… I have made myself – due to circumstances – work super hard and do a lot of things I wasn’t keen on for quite a while and now my mind and body is totally averse to the idea of pushing myself…

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Totally tired selfie at work – late night microscope sessions are CRUEL!

I did miss blogging but to be honest, I didn’t know what to blog about. This little corner of the internet for me was always about sharing my training and running and fitness struggles – it was never a lifestyle blog or anything like a journal… And now I really feel like I have nothing to say!

Hopefully I’ll get my groove back soon, because I did really – REALLY – enjoy hanging out here and connect with all of you guys.

For now, I think I have to try to get my life back in order and take control of things. 🙂

Thank you for hanging around for so long even if I ve been in completely radio silence mode for over two months!

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7 thoughts on “Where have I been and here goes nothing…

  1. Oh man, so sorry to hear about this. I’m sure it is very frustrating for you. On a good note, I enjoy just reading about daily life stuff too, not just running! I always find it interesting to see what other people do and places they go. Hope you are out of the rough spots soon. Life happens, hang in there! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So so sorry to hear this Ellen. I know how awful it was when I couldn’t run this winter so I can’t imagine how you’re feeling now. Sending you lots of healing vibes! And remember – life is a lot more than running, so keep on blogging when you feel like getting back to it!

    Liked by 1 person

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